Motherhood by the Golden RuleGood mothers follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. None of us can fail when we live by the Golden Rule. It is Important to Walk Your Talk Our daughters learn how to behave primarily from us and tend to model themselves after us as well. Good mothers walk their talk, lead by example, teach by example, and seek to develop trust and respect in all their relationships. Our daughters formulate their role and place in the world by observing the way others perceive and receive us socially and in our family interactions. Giving of ourselves while balancing our lives to allow quality time with our families (and quiet time for ourselves), sets a positive example for our daughters. That's the goal and that's the challenge.The Golden Rule makes our goals possible. The idea here is balance. Nobody's Perfect. From birth, our daughters begin observing us and never stop. That doesn't mean we need to be perfect. In fact, knowing that you are not perfect - that you cannot be 100% all the time - that are...human, demonstrates to your daughter(s) that - though you try each day to set a positive example for her/them, you are not without flaws. If we moms ty to be superhuman 24/7, our well-laid plans will surely backfire. You see, by being consistently honest with our daughter(s) and ourselves - even when we wish we had all the right answers, knew everything, had no fear or doubt, etc. - we are teaching them resilience, self-esteem, strength, humility, endurance, and empowerment. Being honest with yourself and your children, brings all of you closer to one another and teaches them that it’s okay to strive to be your very best and to forgive yourself for any foibles. Above all remember that it is more important to live by the Golden Rule and walk your talk than it is to “appear” to be perfect. Keep It Real. “Appearances” are facades that cover up the real you. Our influence on our daughters is constant. It impacts their ability to relate to us and others, and becomes the model of their perceptions of themselves. The real you is often much better and more lovable than you might feel or think. To follow the Golden Rule is to embrace your imperfections and love yourself as much as you unconditionally love your daughter(s). For the truth is quite simple: They love you for who you are no matter what you look like or feel about yourself inside. What strengthens your bond and builds respect between you and your daughter(s) is honesty. The reality and openness you share by being true to yourself and to them at all times enables them to better interpret you at a given moment - whether you, or both of you, are hormonally challenged or not. Our influence on our daughters is constant and becomes the model of their perceptions of themselves, their mothers and impacts their ability to relate to us and others. Share Your Life - Past and Present - With Them. This being said, clearly there are more appropriate times than others to share moments of ourselves at their age or in childhood. We don’t need to tell them about our transgressions as teenagers while they are in preschool, for example. Where it is most appropriate to answer their questions in a straight-forward manner, it is also most appropriate to provide them with an answer they can understand at that moment. As they mature, you will find opportunities to share more of your life and experiences growing up in context with issues they or their friends might be facing. So, where honesty is indeed the best policy, be aware of your daughter(s)’ level of comprehension and the context in which their question is being asked. Seek to deal with their question succinctly and directly. Talk With Your Daughter(s) Often and Daily. Exchange information. Share what's going on at work and school - academically and socially. Talk about your family or community. Discuss interesting news items you may have read in the paper, on the Internet, heard on the radio or television. Share perceptions, questions, reactions, feelings - everything, like girlfriends or good friends do. As mothers we are mentors and authority figures. We have the responsibility of moderating without thwarting free expression. Answer questions honestly and directly. Create a safe environment for open dialogue. Good Mothers Make Mistakes Too. And, the reality is that our daughters may likely make the same mistakes we made growing up. We have an opportunity to empower them ahead of time. Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Teach by example. The Golden Rule enables you to give them the benefit of your experience. Share your stories with them. Inspire them toward smarter more informed choices than you may have been able to make at their age.The mistakes we made growing up serve as examples and learning opportunities for our daughters where real and potential consequences can be discussed. We can express our regret or pain to them but it is up to us to demonstrate to them that whatever the situation, we learned from it, corrected our path and are better wiser people because of it. Our daughters are more apt to come to us with their problems, concerns or questions and learn from a safe source (us) if we are open with them at all times. If a certain subject is hard for us to deal with, we must be honest and tell them this. Often when such a negatively charged issue comes up, you will find that this is your cue to deal with it once and for all. It may likely be very challenging emotionally due to the charge, still you know from past experience that when we face our fears, we become stronger and the negative charge lessens with time (or wisdom) or disappears forever. In other words, don’t protect your daughter(s) by hiding your experiences from them as this will ultimately backfire and could result in anger, blame, frustration, mistrust and avoidance in return. The Golden Rule is being true to yourself and your daughter(s). Do unto your daughter(s) as you would have her/them do unto you...and the rest of the world. Lead by example. Model the behavior and respect you seek. Actions truly speak louder than words.
Cultural Perspectives of the Golden Rule
|
